Nail in the coffin

If you have been following the VN adoption updates on the DOS site, you know that things are bad. For those of you who don't follow this stuff on a daily basis, the Department of State has released a statement about all of the unethical things they have uncovered in VN adoptions. They go on to say that no dossiers will be accepted after July 1 and all dossiers without referrals will be returned to the agencies on Sept 1. That latter scenario is where we will fall. There is no way we will have a referral, so game over. In light of the accusations that the DOS has made, I feel like there is no way that VN won't close for a long time. The last closing was from 2003-2006. So we are back to the drawing board. Our agency has all our money and won't return it. They also do not have any open programs that they can switch us to. Rock. Hard place.

For those of you who don't know, this journey to try to add to our family has been going on for about 4 years. We did all the infertility stuff. Then we did all the adoption stuff. You come to a point where you question whether you are meant to have a child. That is where I am now. We could try to pursue adoption with Taiwan, but I don't think I can bring myself to invest thousands more in dollars and hours, and be disappointed again.

If we are meant to have a child, I guess it will eventually happen. I've done all I can. Now it is in God's hands.

No news is. . .

not good news in this case. When I don't write anything, it means I have nothing upbeat and positive to share.

We had a conference call with the adoption agency this week. We didn't really get any new information to share. Essentially, there are lots of people working tirelessly to address the issues in Vietnam, and in international adoption in general. There's talk in VN and the US of an interim agreement, of a very short closing of adoptions (about 4 months), and of continuing the process for anyone whose dossier is in VN at the time of closing. Any of those things would be good news for us, but it's all just talk right now.

The head of my adoption agency wrote a very good letter explaining the situation with international adoptions. I'll post that later because she is much more eloquent and knowledgeable than me.

As for the consideration of a concurrent adoption with Taiwan, I think we have decided against it. At this point, I feel like I have done so much to bring a child into our home. I guess I am just out of energy and have decided that what will be will be.

So that's where we are right now. Prayers and positive thoughts are still appreciated.

Here are the latest pics of the cute nieces. Today we saw the Chick Fil A cow and Katie LOVED him. She must have hugged him 20 times. Too cute!

Taiwan Lucy

Here's a video a family made while waiting on their little girl from Taiwan. . . just in case you need a good cry today!

S T R E S S!!!

I am feeling extremely stressed out by recent events.

First, last night I noticed that furry baby, Cammie, had a swollen cheek. Over the course of the night, kitty scratched his face and burst the abscess (as it now has been identified). We had a lovely evening with kitty bleeding all over the place. I got up at 7 am today and spent the entire day finding a vet that could fit kitty in (regular vet couldn't be bothered--don't even get me started on that!), taking him to the vet, giving him meds, cleaning the wound. . . you get the picture. And it looks like the poor baby will have to have surgery next week. This fact has me stressing because Cammie has herpes virus. I won't go into all the details, but it essentially means that he is immunologically compromised, and so whenever we have to deal with shots or surgery, his body does not react well. Right now he is zonked out beside me on the bed. He is probably bleeding on the sheets, but I can't bring myself to bother the poor thing.


In addition to the stresses of cat ownership, I am dealing with adoption stress. Chris and I have found out that we got into a program for Taiwan. It is a really good program and could mean that we could have a referral in 6-12 months. Yippee! So what's the problem, right? Well, the program is a little more expensive and we already have lots of money tied up with Vietnam that we cannot get back. We are toying with the thought of beginning the Taiwan program while staying in the Vietnam program, and then completing whichever program gets us a referral first. It's a lovely idea, but since we are not wealthy, it is going to be financially stressful. If we do this, we will be consciously deciding to lose at least 6k bucks. Of course, we kinda feel like we have already lost that to the Vietnam program since we are not optimistic about completing the adoption. Does all that make sense? I think I am babbling. To sum it all up, we know that God has a plan for our adoption, but right now it seems like his plan is for us to be really poor.

As a mull over this huge decision, I get a phone call from dear hubby. To give you some background, we found out two weeks ago that hubby is essentially being laid off from his job of 11 years. So now he calls me and is telling me that he may have an interview and can I help him type up a resume. I realize this could be very good news, but you know how your body cannot really distinguish between good and bad stress? Yeah, right now my body and mind are on total overload.

Ok, so it was cathartic to get that all out. If you are still reading this, thanks for hanging in there. Two bits of good news: the sun is finally coming out after 10 days of rain, and Cammie didn't get any blood on the bed. :) Oh, BTW. . .our niece, Alisa, is 6 years old today. Happy Birthday B.B.! We love you!!!

Update

This last week has been a long one. My adoption agency had a conference call on Tuesday, and then I spoke with the head of the agency again on Thursday. Of course it is necessary that I stay in touch with the agency and know what is going on, but every contact seems to stress me out. I do so much better when I distract myself with other things, and don't think about the adoption stuff!

As for the update, everything is pretty much the same. Our dossier (adoption paperwork) is in VN, but we still won't get a referral by Sept. 1 which means we will be shut out. The main purpose of this week's conference was to discuss the fact that the fees will have to be increased since adoptions are taking so long.

The only real positives out of the conversation seemed to be that 1) the US and VN have done a few things lately that communicated that they are trying to "play nice" and 2) there has been talk on the US side about an interim agreement. The interim agreement might be the saving grace for us, so I am really hoping that happens.

One thing that I have to say about this whole situation is that I am really glad that my adoption agency is being honest with us. Sometimes they tell us truths that hurt, but I would rather know the truth. I am forever reading adoption blogs online. I know of several blogs where the authors sent their paperwork to VN around the same time as us. They are still under the impression that they are not going to get shut out of VN. I don't know if their agencies don't have the correct information to share with them (my adoption coordinator is in constant contact with the head of adoptions in VN, and has the most up-to-date info), or whether their agencies are hiding the truth from them. I just know that it would be very painful to have thought we were okay for months, and then to be closed out in Sept. I would rather see the train coming!

Well, that's it for now. We could use all of your prayers and positive thoughts!